The reason I write

Today marks three years since I started blogging.

In that time I have gained experience, followers and a lot of views. But what made me start blogging and why do I continue when I have been accused of exploiting my children, damaging them and even attention seeking?
Well the answer can be found in the name of my blog: Faithmummy.

The week after I had my 36th birthday it dawned on me that I was suddenly nearer forty than I was thirty and it was time to do something with my life. So I prayed. Prayer is my default setting because I have a strong faith.
I thought I had ONE story to share. So I looked online at how to do this. It was too long for social media standard posts and I could not find a suitable online forum so looked into blogging. I set up a blog and prayed. And then began to write.
And as I wrote I felt there would be more to come but that was all I knew.I clicked publish and put it on my own Facebook. It seemed popular. I was taken aback!
A few days later I contacted my brother who I knew had an already established professional blog in his field of expertise. I asked him one question..
So what do I do now?
He said that I would have to update it and that many people do this weekly!
Weekly? But I only had one story!
So I prayed. And the next week I felt I had something else to write.
So I updated my blog and people read it.
As the next week approached I prayed. And then I wrote.
167 posts later, I pray, and then I write.
And if I don’t feel I have something to share I wait.

So the number one reason I write is because I feel God wants me to write. Wether people read it or not, I write for me.

Before I press ‘publish’ I pray, sometimes ‘sleep on it’, send it to a friend or speak to my closest earthly friend of all, my husband. Sometimes we all need wise council to keep us right.
Maybe some weeks I get it wrong. I am sure I do. But God is gracious and I believe he knows my heart. And I believe He is supernaturally protecting my children in it all.
No-one really knows the difficulties and opposition I have faced in my blogging journey and neither do many people know my statistics. It is a personal journey in many ways despite the fact I write publicly.

I can not tell you all the places my blog has appeared. I can not tell you the names of the people it has helped. But what I can say with confidence is that the person who has been the most touched, transformed and become closer to God in it all is me. The bigger my audience the more I need Him. And the more I pray.

I am just a mummy.

A mummy who can not face what I face without my faith.

I share from my heart, and I hope in some way I share from God’s heart too.

By the grace of God Faithmummy was birthed and by the grace of God it continues.

You might think it is about my children. But in actual fact it is about me: me as a mum, and my faith.

So even though I now write for several different places this blog will remain as Faithmummy and until I feel the time is right to stop, I will write.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for sharing. But mostly thank you for being part of my journey.

YOU make Faithmummy what it is!

Happy birthday Faithmummy!

We have come so far…

January is often a time of reflection for me. A new year; a fresh start. As I approach the second anniversary of my blog at the end of this month I have also been reading back at my own journey. I never knew my own writing would make me so emotional. It has brought back memories and when every day seems the same as the next, it has been nice to see that my children have actually progressed, even if it seems we have been stuck at times. And I have come so far.

When I started this blog I never thought that two years later I would still be writing. But here I am.

And as if to prove a point to me, my son chose this very week to suddenly do something he has never let me do before (well not since he was less than a year old). At six years and two months old he let me read a book to him for the first time since he was a baby.

Sometimes pictures speak louder than words:

This was what my twins looked like when I was last able to ready to them both together:

And this is what they looked like this week when instead of reading to just my daughter I had the privilege of sharing the moment with Isaac too:

We have come so far!

I also came across an old note I wrote on my Facebook account this week. I wrote it back in October 2012, a month before the children had their fourth birthday and three months prior to me starting blogging. It is a poem I wrote for Isaac and I thought it might be good to share, as even though we are still dealing with nappies and we still have no speech, it shows how far I have come and the picture I posted back then shows how far Isaac has come on too.

I’m sorry son

Dear Isaac,

I’m sorry I reversed the car today
When I know it disturbs you and makes you cry
And instead of offering comfort
I got angry and screamed at you “Why?”

When I carried you into the house
heated your milk, sat in ‘your’ seat
But forgot you won’t drink from a bottle
Just because you had shoes on your feet!

I’m sorry you still can’t speak to me
and today that was driving me mad
Your frustrations at trying to communicate
at the moment are just making me sad

Your sister set up a train set
but you destroyed it and pulled it apart
As she cried in my arms at your actions
I cried with her and just broke my heart

I’m sorry I almost force-fed you
when you refused all the options I’d tried
You were staring into space when I dressed you
But I was still so annoyed when you cried

I’m sorry you can’t look at my face
or respond when I’m calling your name
You’d rather pull out DVD’s
over and over again

I’m sorry you’re still wearing nappies
I didn’t expect it aged 4
I’m sorry you wanted to escape
when the gas man came to the door

My son I need to say sorry
Tomorrow we will both start anew
With patience, understanding, forgiveness
And a promise that I will always love you.

With love,
Mummy x

We have come so far!

And it isn’t just me. When your child receives a diagnosis of autism, neurofibromatosis type 1, global developmental delay, or anything else for that matter, the entire family has to learn to cope with it. And we don’t all cope in the same way.

I have struggled at times. My husband has struggled at times. But this week I caught a moment on camera that pictures the journey we have all made so well. Here is my precious baby boy in the arms of his daddy flapping and laughing with delight:

It has been a difficult two years since I began blogging. It has been a challenging six years since the twins were born. But everyday we are making progress. And looking back helps me see that.

My first ever blog was called ‘The journey thus far…’ Now I can look back and say with confidence ‘we have come so far’. And one day I may even be able to sit down with my twins and share some of their own journey with them. I finally have hope that could happen.

It’s not about me

When I was young it was all about me. And then one day I got married. And it became about me and my husband. It stayed like that for far longer than it ever should have been, but then we became parents. And life no longer became about us but about two little children. For five years life has now been all about them. Even more so than many other parents as both my children have additional needs. They both have autism. One also has seizures, global developmental delay, neurofibromatosis type 1 and is vision impaired. No-one would judge us for it being all about them. Hospital appointments, school and nursery events to attend, therapists to liaise with, courses to attend, medications to be administered, nappies to be changed and so on. It could so easily be us four and no more.

But life is bigger than that.

So I open my life up to others. I am on social media outlets, I attend groups and courses and meet other families going through some of the same things we are. I take the children to clubs for other children with autism. I blog.

Why?

Because I care about others. I can learn so much from the road that others have walked before me. As a family we have negotiated some tricky terrain that has only been possible through the help and advice that others have given. Together we are stronger. Our breakthroughs become others breakthroughs and give others hope. Hearing other families achieve in areas we are still struggling with gives me hope that all things are possible. Even if I can not directly identify with thier issue or offer advice I can cheer them on, celebrate with them, encourage them. We can pray for each other, stand beside each other, link arms.

Because it isn’t about me.

Or my children really.

I could easily close my social medai accounts, stay at home with my children, not answer the telephone, stop blogging. But I would suffer. And I believe others would too. Not because I think I am someone special. But because there is something powerful and stronger about supporting others, praying for other people, looking out for someone other than yourself.

I am a people person. I comment on social media because I care. I listen to your struggles because I care. I blog because I care that someone might no longer feel alone after reading my blog. That someone may be helped by a strategy or therapy that helped one of my children. That some other family might identify with what we are going through and be encouraged.

It’s not about me.

So I am happy for the National Autistic Society to use us on their website (http://www.autism.org.uk/) The boy with the bubbles is Isaac.

And I am happy for our story to be used in their Christmas marketing:

It’s not about me.

It’s about how many other families that will be able to access the help we did as a result of campaigns like this.

It’s about someone else knowing they are not alone in this journey.

It’s about encouraging others that progress can and will come in time.

Sharing your story is not about you. It’s about humility and vulnerability. It’s about giving of yourself, even when emotions are raw, knowing you are not alone. It’s about real life and daily struggles. It’s the public recording of a journey. A journey that others can adopt as thier own, identify with, run with, be encouraged by. It’s about awareness.

It’s about helping just one person.

The sleepless nights, the endless screaming, the loss of the one word he took over 4 years to say, the yearning to see my babies walk, the pain of seeing my son have seizures, the broken heartedness of getting diagnosis after diagnosis, the fighting for thier educational needs, the public comments that crush my Spirit, the constant appointments.

It’s all worth it.

Because these two are worth it:

You are worth it.

Your children are worth it.

If one person is encouraged by this blog it is worth it.

We don’t all have to live our lives in public to help someone else. We don’t even have to be on social media. But someone somewhere can benefit from the journey you have walked. Someone can benefit from your friendship, your encouragement, your prayers. Someone can feel less alone just by knowing you care. Someone’s life can be changed by you.

It’s not about me.

It’s not really about autism.

It’s about parenting.

It’s about others helping me and me helping others and being there for each other.

It’s about awareness.

It’s about not feeling alone or isolated anymore.

It’s about rejoicing with others as they rejoice with me.

It’s about walking beside each other hand in hand.

It started with two little children but now it’s about hundreds of others.

It’s about so many other things. But it’s definitely not about ME!

“not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others” Phil 2:14

“rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn” Rom 12:15

“But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘today’…Heb 3:13