Sometimes a simple yes or no is enough

imageMy son doesn’t speak. But ever single day I speak to him. And I hope.
I tell him what we are doing, where we are going and who we will meet. He may have difficulties communicating but his understanding is improving all the time.
He is 7 and about 7 months ago he developed a very precious skill of being able to shake his head to communicate ‘no’. It was a moment of breakthrough. Prior to this we had screaming which could mean anything from yes, no or leave me alone. You could take you pick but if you were wrong the screaming just intensified.

He was so frustrated. And so was I.

Sometimes we just need a simple yes or no answer. That is often just enough.

I have mastered the art of understanding my precious son. I have had the privilege of seven years of learning his ways, his body language and his expressions. I can see his tears before the first drop falls from his eyes and I know what will make him laugh before any sound emits from his mouth. With patience we taught him to tap our hands to make a choice but we still could not get a consistent yes or no for simple questions. He could choose between two things. Would you like mashed potato or chips? Would you like to go to the park or swimming? But when faced with him fussing we could never get a clear answer to something as simple as would you like something to eat? Are you in pain?

Those were the times when just a simple yes or no would help us all so much.

This weekend as we went about our business I looked back at my children in the car and reminded them both we were on our way to the hairdressers to get their hair cuts. As I turned again to face the front I heard something that made me jump. I had just heard a voice I never ever dreamed I would ever hear! It was loud, unexpected and forceful. It was beautiful, perfect and simple. My son shouted at us! He shouted ‘no’! Thank God I wasn’t driving or we may have crashed. As I turned to look at my wonderful boy my heart missed a beat. I was smiling, yet crying. Rejoicing, yet weeping.

He just said NO! It was enough!

No doubt I should have not put him through the stress of that hair cut having clearly heard him voice his objection. But believe me when I say it badly needed done. I needed to see his stunning big brown eyes and he needed to have better vision without seeing nothing but his long brown locks. He hated it. But he survived.

Back home I longed to be able to share that moment with so many of you who follow his journey. So I tried to get him to say it again. I asked that poor boy so many questions willing him to prove he could do it again. He didn’t.

He actually went one better!

Dressed in only his pyjamas I asked him if he liked the rain. (He hates it!) and he made a sound. It was indistinguishable. I asked if he wanted his coat on (he hates his coat!) and again he made a noise but it was more of a grunt. I was determined! I asked him one final question: would you like to go out? And clear as anything he stood up, headed to the door and said ‘yeah’.

He said ‘yeah’!!!

Sometimes a simple yes or no is enough.

Do you know how long I have wanted to hear just yes or no? With Isaac that has been seven years. But with so many other things in life it has taken even longer. When I struggled with infertility for 9 years all I wanted was a yes or no answer to the question, would I have children? When I was told my children had autism I wanted a yes or no answer to questions like will they ever get a job?, will they live independently? When my boy was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis I needed a yes or no answer to will be need medical treatment and be ok? Now I want to ask professionals things like will my son ever be toilet trained? Will he ever be able to have a conversation with me? Will he ever have friends? Some days I want to ask God, are you listening?

I want to know so much. I long for so much. I am believing for so much.

But sometimes just a simple yes or no is enough to keep me going for a very long time.

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When an angel captured love

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Do you believe that dreams can REALLY become true?

I do.

Many years ago I visited a friend’s house and my eyes were instantly captivated by a large family photograph mounted on their wall.

‘Wow’, I thought, ‘I would just love to have something as amazing as that of MY children one day.’

Fast forward twenty years and that dream has always remained with me. But the challenge of ever having that dream come true seemed to get slimmer every year. Yes I had the children, but taking an everyday picture of them both was a big challenge let alone getting them into a studio! Eye contact was an issue, understanding instructions another issue, posing impossible, and the bright lights and flashes a trigger for sensory overload and seizures. Beautiful professional photographs just one of the many things families like mine with ‘special’ children have to sacrifice at times.

But then I met an angel.

She read on my Facebook account how I was so emotional and grateful that one of my children’s schools had gone out of their way to allow my children to have a school family photograph taken. When your twins are separated by 14 miles in their education and one school does not even have school photographs taken you realise how this simple act could mean so much to me. What seems a ‘normal’ occurrence to most families became a real act of kindness to me.

Then an angel replied with seven simple words, ‘I can do one better. Call me.’

I spoke to the angel about my children. Did she understand how hard this could be? Would my children even get out the car on the day? Was she aware they have poor balance and co-ordination and would be unable to pose? Did she know my son could scream the entire time we were there? What would happen if my daughter would not smile due to her anxiety? I was as anxious as my children. Would my dream be about to become a reality? Would it be possible to capture love on a camera?

With the skill, patience and dedication you can only get from an angel my children not only coped but they SHONE!

I had a dream over 20 years ago and that dream has come true. I met an angel one day. She thought she was photographing my children but in actual fact she captured love in its purest form. She took two children who find life challenging and she found their beauty and personalities. She transformed everyday moments into priceless memories. She gave my son a voice when he has no ability to speak. She gave my daughter confidence that can not be measured. She took an everyday family and made us feel like we were royalty.

Do you believe dreams come true? My dream came true the day an angel captured love:

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Sometimes angels have names. This angel is called Amber Northfield Studio Boo.She took my dream and she made it come true. I can not thank her enough.

Now which one do I put on my wall?

25 confessions of a special needs mum

Have you ever done any of these?

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I had great plans for being a parent. My children would play board games with me at night, have friends around for tea, talk to me enthusiastically about their school day, and always say please and thank you.

Then I had children.

So there is more technology than board games, no friends around and no chit-chat about the school day but I still thought we would read stories before bed, go shopping for clothes, kick a ball around in the garden and bake cakes.

Then I had children with special needs.

Parenting is now intense, includes working with a large team of health and educational professionals, involves lots of trips to hospitals, means sending my child miles in a taxi to school and consists of huge amounts of paperwork. But it is still a huge amount of joy and love.

It is a different style of parenting. I have thought…

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He played with a toy!!

imageThe teachers had a training day and here I was with an entire day with just one of my children. I thought it would be lovely to take him to one of his favourite places to go to…the city centre! This little six year old boy just beams with delight at the very mention of going on a train. How could I resist that smile?

He had it all planned. He has me trained.This is the routine he always does and nothing changes in his wonderful world of classic autism. We go by train to one particular station, we get off and enjoy the escalators and then turn and go into an indoor shopping centre. From there we press every button for every lift, flapping wildly in delight at the thought the doors will open any minute and we visit every floor that every lift has before finally ending up at the food court where he has me knowing to purchase the same meal he always has and sits in the same seating area he always likes. He then spends an inordinate amount of time laughing and clapping at the hand dryers in the bathrooms before running with gusto to the most expensive, prestigious toy shop in town. imageHe knows exactly what he is looking for and I know exactly where he is headed. He bypasses without even a second glance the high prices teddy bears and Lego sets and remote control cars. He hurries past the jigsaws and dolls and the toy animals. He has one place in mind and one place only…he is heading for the lift!

I never have worked out quite what is so wonderful about this particular lift. After watching it for hours at a time you really would think I would have figured this out but I just can’t. But this lift gives me him so much pleasure, more than any toy in the entire shops ever could. He watches the numbers, gets excited at the doors opening and finds great amusement in just looking at it. The total highlight of his trip. In fact until today I wasn’t even sure if he even realised he was in a toy shop.

Can you imagine a six year old not realising they were in a toy shop? Can you imagine a six year old surrounded by more toys than Santa’s grotto and not begging their parents with those four words every parent usually dreads: image‘mummy can I have…’. It is just days until this boy’s seventh birthday and yet he has never once said those words. He has never asked for anything in a shop or even really played with toys. He has no concept of Lego or toy cars and has no ability to read a book. He can not kick a ball and has no understanding what dress up pretend play is. For almost seven years he has been caught up entirely in his own world of sensory play preferring a bowl of water, pressing a hand dryer to turn it on or endlessly watching lifts either in real life or on you tube.

So can you imagine my shock, my amazement, and my emotions when all of a sudden my almost seven year old turned away from the lift for the very first time and looked over at a display of toys! As if the looking wasn’t enough he casually wandered over and decided to ‘play’ with the toys!

Did you hear me…HE PLAYED WITH A TOY! This is epic! This is breakthrough! He suddenly woke to the fact there was a world besides lifts! And he touched a toy in a toy shop!

I scooped him up and kissed him and gave him a high five! I stood there and watched with tears in my eyes! Then without looking so much at a single price tag I grabbed every single toy he had touched and took my son and his array of newly found interests to the cash register!

imageOn the train home something just as amazing happened. It was like all his disabilities left my baby for a few hours and disappeared. It was beautiful. He put his hand inside the bag (he remembered those toys were in the bag!) and he handed me a bag of toy plastic food to open!!
I did not care if that whole carriage got covered in plastic bananas that bag was getting opened! He requested! HE WANTED TO PLAY.

It is so easy to become weary of playing with children. It is so hard to stay patient when they endlessly beg for toys in a toy shop. It is so easy to take speech and play for granted at any age.

Moments like this don’t come to me often. My son has no speech and he has never played with toys. So yes I spent money on plastic toys that were over priced. But you can’t put a price on the miracle I had this week. The miracle that is the simple fact:

HE PLAYED WITH A TOY!

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