When There Is No School That Is Right For Your Child

As I fill in forms and prepare for my son’s first transition hour at his new high school I find myself being thankful that he has very complex and profound needs. Why? Well because this meant he easily secured a place in a local ‘Additional Support Needs’ high school (known to most as a special needs secondary school).

Next year will be different. His sister has no learning disability or difficulties, but she is autistic and won’t cope in mainstream high school. Having looked at different options it lead me to draw this simple drawing:

Where do children like my daughter go?

Far too often there just isn’t a school that’s right for your child.

This is the story of a child called Miss S written by her mother. This is the story of a child, who due to her autism, no longer fitted into the mould of mainstream school and despite having no learning difficulties she did manage to secure a place (eventually) in a special needs school but this didn’t work either.

Many will say ‘just home school’ but for many children this isn’t the best option. They want to go to school but there just isn’t a school that’s right for them.
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Well, you’ve missed out on a pretty and symbolic sunset” Miss S texted me earlier.

I was out, picking up some fries. For her, to cheer her up. Yes, I’m aware this could be classed as comfort eating, we’ve discussed it… that’s not what this post is about today.

I asked Miss S why the sunset was symbolic. Her reply, via text, was:

“So, the sunset was pretty orange, and while the sun was still visible (from my room), it shone an orange light. When I wasn’t looking at it, it felt kinda like symbolism in the sense that the light at the end of my very dark tunnel was behind me and I couldn’t see it, and when I did see it, it was already gone.”

I asked if I could share her words here, she replied:

Sure, so long as you say AND THAT IS DEPRESSION FOR YOU, KIDS!”

It’s been a tough day, emotionally. Lots of them are, of late. And today’s upset was despite making it outside for a walk with Miss S, something she’s not done for a very long time now. I should have been over the moon. But the reason we went out was tough….

Last week, an advert popped up on Miss S’s iPad. It was for the local private girls’ school, a picture depicting five girls linking arms and laughing, in their uniform. Miss S sent it to me and said she wanted to talk about it; she had searched it up on the map, seen it was fairly close to our house and so decided she wanted to try it there.

Knowing that the private, academic school would not be suitable for our girl, I tried to steer her thoughts away from it. On the map we saw an even closer school to our house, ten minutes walk away (discounting the closest her sister attends, which takes only a minute to walk to) and so Miss S switched her attention to that. I didn’t want to crush her hopes so I promised her I would speak to the school. Knowing full well that it was highly unlikely they would be interested in being as flexible as they would need to be, I called anyway, but I couldn’t get past the gatekeeper receptionist who told me I should put it all in writing.

Today we took a walk to this mainstream secondary, so that Miss S could get a feeling for where it was and what it looked like. On the way there she was asking me lots of questions, about the uniform, about whether phones were allowed in school, about what subjects she would have to learn. She talked about how she would like to walk to school herself and would listen to her music en route to keep herself calm. She chatted about how she wanted to walk unless it was cold or raining. She spoke at length about lunchtimes, wondering what food would be served and whether she’d get her beloved potatoes which were pretty much the only things she’d only eaten for lunch at her previous two schools. She talked about how the school would be full of ‘normal’ children and so she might stand out for being weird.

We came home, and she asked to buy a new game for the computer – called School Simulator. She acknowledged with a wry smile that it showed how desperate she was, to want to pay £15 to be able to create her own school. Sadly, the game proved too difficult for her to understand, and it just magnified all the feelings of failure which she has. She took herself upstairs to bed, put her face mask on and her soothing piano music on the iPad, and said she wanted to sleep forever until there was any news about a school for her. She then slept for 2 hours in the middle of the day, when she wasn’t even particularly tired. Just upset, emotional, and ‘bored’ of life because she can’t see the point. As she said to me on our walk, she just needs to know something about the future, to have a plan. It’s not a lot to ask, is it?

Of course there’s no point in me putting anything in writing to that mainstream school we walked to today, despite having reams of ‘evidence’ of needs in my SEND parent files. My ideas of what could help are outside of the box, off the wall, not in keeping with the school system. Our girl would be seen as a burden, an issue, unwanted extra work. Mentally, and financially in terms of support and paperwork. Because it all comes down to the cost, and the budgets at the end of the day.

But our girl wants to be at school. She wants to be part of a community. To feel wanted, to have friends. So much so, that she is prepared to try anything (apart from wearing trousers as part of a school uniform apparently). But that doesn’t mean she would be capable of bending to the system, of becoming that round peg needed to fit in the round hole. And instead of being supported to find an alternative for her, I am left to be the one to break her heart.

It shouldn’t be this difficult, should it? All it would take is a handful of individuals who really care, to come up with some activities and solutions. A chance for Sasha to join in with small group work, music or swimming lessons, anything, to keep her going and think that there is a point in life. She wouldn’t be able to access busy corridors or playgrounds, or the lunch canteen without extra support, but surely the fact that she wants to try should be acknowledged and encouraged?

She is being let down, massively. I’m trying to keep her afloat. Who knows where this will end?


—————————

Miss S is being badly let down by an education system that only seems to allow those with learning disabilities, like my son, to receive specialist provision when so many others, especially those with autism, really need a viable alternative to mainstream too. I’m terrified my own daughter is going to be one of those children who are too clever for special needs school but too autistic to fit in mainstream. Where do children like her and Miss S go?

What do you do when neither mainstream nor special needs school are right for your child?

We need wider provision in the education system so there are no more children, like Miss S, left at home desperate to go to school but with no suitable school to go to.

With special thanks to Steph Curtis from Steph’s Two Girls who writes a wonderful blog about autism and pathological demand avoidance. I would encourage you to read her blog and check out her Facebook page too.

Why Would An 11 Year Old Want To Marry Her Brother?

Most 11 year old girls find their brothers annoying. My 11 year old daughter actually wants to marry her brother! Why?

Well at just eleven years old my daughter already knows her brother will need life long care. While other children her age are out playing with friends, having time out on video games or at after school activities she’s bathing her brother, making sure he is dried, helping dress him and reminding me to get his medication.

She’s never known anything else despite her brother being stronger, taller and at a different school to her.


She knows he can’t speak but knows exactly how to communicate with him. She plays with him, reads to him and soothes him when he cries. It’s beautiful but also heartbreaking; innocent but also concerning.


At eleven she knows already how vulnerable he is. She knows he will live at home and never be independent. She knows the chances of him learning self care skills like toileting, dressing, cooking and washing himself might never happen. She knows he will need full time care all his life.

She knows he won’t marry and she wants to marry him to make that happen.


As she used a flannel to gently bathe him I overhead the following:
‘One day I will marry you. Would you like that? (She waited for him to smile back and sign yes). That way you will be ok.’


I haven’t asked her to do any of this. She actually has more than enough of her own struggles to be contending with (autism, anxiety and eating issues to name a few) but her empathy and close bond with her brother is so natural and heartfelt.


Yet when I asked if she could access help as a young carer I was told she didn’t meet the strict criteria: she apparently wasn’t caring for him enough! Other than school and just three hours a week when she has a carer take her to activities (because I can’t take her anywhere due to having to care for her brother) she doesn’t ever get a break. Summer means seven weeks 24/7 with her brother as he gets zero respite in summer too.


She has witnessed seizures that have frightened her, surgery that has terrified her, meltdowns that have saddened her and self harming that has broken her heart…yet she was rejected from mental health services several times.


Of course she can’t marry her brother and neither should she even want to. She should have ambition, friends, a care free childhood and growing independence, but instead she worries if her brother will be ok when he gets older.


Why would an 11 year old want to marry her brother? Because she loves him so much that she’s terrified who will care for him when he’s an adult.

That’s not something any child should worry about but when she already sees how little support he gets now is it any wonder she worries for his future?

The fact any 11 year old girl is asking to marry her complex needs brother in order to know that he will be cared for should be a wake up call to us all. Her brother deserves better and she does too.

Autism Isn’t A Lifestyle Choice

Autism diagnosis continues to increase year on year. With that comes more awareness and hopefully more acceptance. More and more adults are now seeking diagnosis and some even ‘self identify’ as autistic. Not a day goes by when there isn’t a press article, a blog, a meme or a TV programme featuring or talking about autism. So has autism become a trend, a cool thing to be, even a lifestyle choice, and is this right?

Autism isn’t something that should ever be taken lightly. For many, my son and daughter included, it’s a significant disability requiring life long support. They made no choice is being autistic and they can’t choose to stop having it either. It’s part of them p, and always will be.

Recently I was having a discussion with someone and I was asked if I said my children were autistic before they had their official diagnosis. Of course they WERE autistic before they had their official diagnosis, they were born autistic after all, but prior to official diagnosis I said that my children were ‘under investigation for autism’ or ‘waiting to be tested for autism’ and later on, having sought advice from their paediatrician, I was told they had a ‘working diagnosis of autism’ meaning everyone was treating them as if they had an official diagnosis as we waited to reach the top of the waiting list so they could access services immediately based on need. I never once said they ‘were autistic’ as a formal diagnosis until it was confirmed.

Things were similar with my husband. He suspected he was autistic, as did every professional working with us, but as nothing was confirmed we didn’t say to anyone. That wasn’t because he wasn’t autistic it was because, until confirmed, it was based on suspicion, our own research and the thoughts of others who were unqualified to formally diagnose. Until formal diagnosis my husband didn’t tell anyone he was autistic or even suspected he was autistic, other than me. After diagnosis he was happy to share the news both privately and publicly.

Yet everyday on social media, in comments on this blog and in groups, I see self diagnosed adults with no formal diagnosis of autism confessing to know more about autism and my children because they ‘are autistic’ or ‘choose to identify as autistic’. It’s become ‘normal’ to be allowed to say you are autistic even without any formal diagnosis.

Autism isn’t like being vegetarian or vegan, it’s not a religion you choose or a trendy way of living or identifying. You can’t be autistic one day but not the next when it suits you. You can’t be at little bit autistic’ either and you absolutely can’t pick and choose autistic traits like it’s a pick and mix in a sweet shop!

Doing a Facebook quiz and getting a certain score does not mean you are autistic. It means it might be worth investigating further; nothing more.

Now let me clarify that I am well aware that the more information about autism there is the more likely many adults will discover they are actually on the spectrum. This is exactly what happened to my husband but the words of the doctor we went to at the time have so much wisdom in them:

Autism is something for the experts to decide, not individuals, because like any condition it needs thoroughly tested. For everyone’s sake it’s better to know for sure than assuming anything.’

Autism for all three of my family is a disability. In no other disability would it be acceptable to just say you have a condition without actually having proof. You may be diabetic or have Scoliosis or have arthritis but until a doctor or expert confirms this it is dangerous to take medication for those conditions and say you have them if you don’t. There is a valid reason why many services need an official diagnosis before you can access them.

Now I know formal diagnosis for autism isn’t perfect. I know there are a few people misdiagnosed by the experts and I appreciate waiting lists are long. I also appreciate that access to formal diagnosis isn’t always even available.

However, if you have truly and thoroughly researched autism and believe you are autistic then by all means share your thoughts privately with your family or close friends. By all means look for support and answers. Just don’t hail yourself as an expert on a condition that you haven’t formally been diagnosed with yet.

My issue isn’t with genuine people who are autistic but can’t access formal diagnosis for financial or other reasons. My issue isn’t with children being let down by the system and left to struggle. I do understand the heartbreak of knowing your child or loved one needs support but being unable to access that. These all need addressed.

My issue is people that see autism as a ‘lifestyle choice’, a way of identifying because it fits with their own thoughts even if qualified professionals don’t agree and then using their self appointed status to publicly assert themselves as an expert on those formally diagnosed like my children.

My issue is people who say they are autistic yet in the next breathe say ‘but I probably wouldn’t get diagnosed’.

You can’t just decide yourself you are autistic. Your own opinion of yourself isn’t of more importance than trained professionals. It takes more than one person to agree on a diagnosis of autism for a reason.

Autism isn’t a lifestyle choice, it’s a complex lifelong condition that affects people forever.

Don’t make my children’s disability into a trendy way of life. Don’t say you have a disability publicly until you know for sure. I want to understand more about my children’s condition but I don’t need self confessed ‘know it all’s’ who aren’t even diagnosed themselves telling me how to support my children.

Autism and Anxiety – An Awful Combination

Another school morning and another anxiety filled hour for my autistic daughter. Her life is filled with rituals, fears, worries and restrictions and nothing is getting easier. She has autism with generalised anxiety and the combination is awful.

It all starts with how she wakes. (Well actually it starts even before then because she often has nightmares.) She immediately has to check that everything is how she left it before she fell asleep. She has to have certain comforts in bed and they are all lined up just so. If anything has moved while she slept her anxiety becomes extreme.

“Mum, someone came into my room again last night!”

“Mum, I can find ….I need you NOW!”

Things must never change. Nothing can ever be moved. That’s her rigidity due to autism but then the anxiety kicks in when something changes and her whole world spins out of control before she’s even out of bed.

Anxiety, autism and sensory issues then affect what she will eat (usually the batter from chicken nuggets for breakfast because she has AFID (avoidance restrictive food intake disorder) and will only touch a select few foods.) Clothes have the same problem and I am down to just three pairs of school trousers she will accept and two polo shirts. I have no idea what I would do if my washing machine ever broke! Socks cause huge anxiety but going without them causes even greater anxiety again. She can’t cope with school shoes so she has trainers.

Then she has her rituals every morning. Set things must be fully completed before she can leave even when time is short. Cries of ‘mum have I got time for…’ can’t actually be answered with a no or she collapses in a heap unable to function. Her mind has so many open boxes that must be closed before she can step out the door. Leaving any open means her day will be preoccupied by one unclosed box and she can’t move on. She can’t ‘just ignore it’ or ‘forget it for now’ or ‘do that later’ because autism and anxiety don’t allow for that.

She has to please everyone. Homework must be done to the letter. Missing a night isn’t an option because anxiety tells her her teacher will somehow know and reprimand her. Her own conscience condemn her because she has to be perfect.

Even before she gets into school she must be first or second in her line because otherwise in her mind she is late. Anxiety makes her thoughts irrational but autism prevents her seeing it that way. Autism then distorts how she perceives the world and those around her then anxiety tells her she’s useless, foreign and not wanted. It becomes a vicious circle controlling everything.

She can’t break rules for fear of being shouted at. Fire drills sent her anxiety spinning because she has to go outside in indoor shoes and without a coat, two rules that she can’t break due to her anxiety and autism. Being outside at the ‘wrong time’ sends her stomach in knots for weeks afterwards. No amount of social stories or reassures help.

Every day is exhausting. Anxiety exhausts her as she lives on her nerves never feels adequate or good enough or perfect enough. Then autism tells her this will never change and that everyone looking at her is doing so because she’s done something wrong.

Autism affects her ability to communicate then anxiety prevents her overcoming this.

Autism affects how she understands social situations then anxiety makes her feel the world is better without her.

Autism means she must obey the rules then anxiety makes her fear for the consequences of being unable to do so through no fault of her own.

Autism makes her vulnerable then anxiety means there’s nothing I can do to change that.

Autism Is a lifelong communication disorder affecting how she communicates, thinks, understands language and interacts with others.

Anxiety is worrying, unease and fear about the unknown.

Together they are crucifying my daughter and so many others.

There is no cure but that doesn’t mean I give up trying to help her.

My daughter is beautiful, kind, caring, compassionate and smart. If only the awful combination of autism and anxiety left her alone others could see her potential and love even more.

When animals and prisons have more rights than those with autism and learning disabilities

There are some blogs that tear me apart to write. This is one of them.

Today a government report was published with the title “The detention of young people with learning disabilities and/or autism.” You can read the report in full here: https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/jt201920/jtselect/jtrights/121/121.pdf

I read about it in the press today and cried. My own child has autism and learning disabilities. He’s non verbal, epileptic and he is doubly incontinent. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to say that at times his care needs are extreme and I struggle. Reading the introduction Members of Parliament wrote to their own report was like reading a diary and a glimpse into a future that could so easily happen to my family. Could this be your story?

Too often the pathway to detention is predictable. It begins from before diagnosis. A family grows worried about their child. They raise concerns with the GP, and with the nursery or school. It takes ages before they get an assessment and yet more time passes before they get a diagnosis of autism. All that time they struggle on their own with their worries and without help for their child. This pattern continues throughout childhood as families are under-supported and what little help they have falls away when the child reaches the age of 18. Then something happens, perhaps something relatively minor such as a house move or a parent falls temporarily ill. This unsettles the young person and the family struggles to cope. Professionals meet to discuss what should happen, but parents are not asked for their views. Then the child is taken away from their home and the familiarity and routine which is so essential to them. They’re taken miles away and placed with strangers. The parents are desperately concerned. Their concerns are treated as hostile and they are treated as a problem. The young person gets worse and endures physical restraint and solitary confinement – which the institution calls “seclusion”. And the child gets even worse so plans to return home are shelved. The days turn into weeks, then months and in some cases even years.”

The report says “we are inflicting terrible suffering on those detained in mental health hospitals and causing anguish to their distraught families.” It makes recommendations that it says are ‘urgent and not complicated’ but that ‘We have lost confidence that the system is doing what it says it is doing and the regulator’s method of checking is not working.

Let’s stop there for a minute. Here we have some of the most vulnerable people in our society having terrible suffering inflicted on them with our own government saying it has lost faith in its own system to protect them.

Would you believe me if I told you that the 2,250 children and adults with autism and/or learning disabilities detained in such places have LESS rights than animals or even prisoners?

Seriously!

Some basic research into the rights of animals showed me that they had the right to:

• need for a suitable environment

• need for a suitable diet

• need to be able to exhibit normal behaviour patterns

• need to be housed with, or apart, from other animals

• need to be protected from pain, suffering, injury and disease.

So why are children and adults with autism and/or learning disabilities denied a suitable living environment, a suitable diet, the right to exhibit normal behavioural patters, housed appropriately and protected from pain suffering and injury? If we (rightly) wouldn’t accept this treatment of animals why are we accepting it, as a society, for those with autism and/or learning disabilities?

What about prisoners who have committed crimes, broke laws and harmed others…none of which I might add apply to those with autism and/or learning disabilities locked up in these so called hospitals?

Prisons are inspected and prisoners have strict human rights including:

• protection from bullying and racial harassment

• being able to get in contact with a solicitor

• healthcare – including support for a mental health condition

All prisoners should be able to spend between 30 minutes and an hour outside in the open air each day.

Did you see that? Even prisoners MUST have time outside every day. Yet so many of the 2,250 children and young people wrongly detained in hospitals with autism and/or learning disabilities under the mental health act are denied this.

It tears my heart and souls apart to think that an animal or someone who has killed others has more rights than my non verbal autistic son.

I can’t accept that.

Can you?

Six Years On: How Has Having A Diagnosis Of Autism Helped?

According to my Facebook memories it is exactly six years today since my daughter was diagnosed. She was 4 at the time and had been going through the process of diagnosis for over a year by the time her appointment came.

I recently heard a parent of a child suspected of being on the spectrum say they would never look to get their child diagnosed as they didn’t wish them to ‘be labelled.’

So how has having my daughter diagnosed helped?

Firstly it helped HER.

This is by far the most important point. My daughter is able to accept herself, understand herself and find her ‘tribe’ by having an identity and knowing that while she may be different she is far from alone. Her mental health was one of the biggest reasons I sought for a diagnosis. There is no shame is being autistic and I seek to promote her autism as part of her wonderful, unique and beautiful personality. It is who she is and she embraces that.

Secondly it helped HER EDUCATION.

By having a diagnosis her anxiety is recognised and supported. Her selective mutism is understood and not ignored. When she takes language as literal teachers can see she isn’t being cheeky or naughty but it is a genuine processing difference. Her social differences are understood and can be supported. Her strengths can be celebrated and her struggles supported. Sadly without a diagnosis some services could not be accessed and therefore support could not be put in place. Having a diagnosis brought patience, understanding and help that she would otherwise have missed out on.

Finally it helped ME.

I am still the same parent I was before but now my mental health has improved making me a stronger and happier person. We are too quick to forget how much parental mental health can affect families. When parents feel they are to blame for their child’s difficulties, anxieties and struggles they become defensive, depressed and isolated. Unfortunately parent blame is rife without a diagnosis as it is assumed the child is struggling through poor parenting. This is very rarely the case but it has destroyed so many families when diagnosis is delayed or withheld. I am more able to embrace my child, celebrate her and enable her because I understand her better and no longer carry the burden of guilt that I am to blame.

Naomi’s diagnosis report is very different to the child she is five years later. Her autism now manifests in very different ways but she is still autistic and both of us celebrate that fact daily.

Autism hasn’t stopped her succeeding, in fact in many ways it has helped her. She’s a rule-abider, people pleaser, unique and funny individual who accepts her own quirks and is happy being herself. She has struggled and even added ‘extra’ diagnosis over the years including an eating disorder but in the six years since her autism diagnosis she has won several awards, been on prime time TV, fought and won for a disabled swing in the local park for her brother and even written some incredible blogs about her own struggles.

Would I still want her diagnosis today if she wasn’t already? Absolutely!

Diagnosis isn’t anything to fear, it’s a key that helps you understand and access support. It doesn’t define your child it just enables them to be free to be exactly who they are.

If you are worried about your child’s development do seek advice from your GP, health visitor or child development team. It is in everyone’s interest to support and diagnose where necessary.

Three Things I Have Learnt About Children’s Speech From My Non Verbal Son

I thought I knew a fair amount about how children learnt to talk. I knew they watched their caregivers, mimicked sounds and eventually words, and over time those build up to two word sentences, then perhaps phrases, and finally fluent speech. I knew some children spoke a little later than others and some were a little harder to understand but until I had children of my own it never really occurred to me that some children never learn to speak at all.

My son is almost 11 and he still can’t speak. I never knew that was even possible but in the long journey I have been on since he came into my life his lack of speech has actually taught me so much about children’s speech in general. All my assumptions and generalisations were in fact ignorance based on nothing more than limited experience and lack of knowledge.

It’s amazing how having a child who struggles with something others manage seamlessly can make you learn!

So what has my non verbal child taught me about children’s speech?

Through him I have learnt that:

1. Speech is actually not the most important thing after all: communication is!

I was so caught up with panic at the fact my toddler didn’t say any words that I hadn’t noticed how he was communicating! His eyes, his body language, his facial expressions, his noises all communicated in ways that words couldn’t. He had, and still has, ‘happy noises’, ‘agitated noises’, ‘tired noises’ and ‘excited noises’ and by understanding and responding to them we can communicate really well despite a complete lack of spoken language on his part.

We (notice I had to do it too to teach him not just him) have experimented with using objects to communicate, photographs, picture cards, drawings, pointing, and sign language. He didn’t immediately latch on to any particular one but he can sign ‘yes’ and ‘thank you’, he does point now and again and in the end he developed his own very unique means of communication using google street map. What he lacks in spoken language he more than makes up for in ingenious ways of getting his point across in other ways.

2. Lack of speech doesn’t mean lack of understanding.

Receptive language and expressive language are two very different things but until I had a child who can choose his own dinner, follow a simple instruction and get his shoes when I mention I am going to the shops, but who couldn’t actually speak to me I had no idea this was normal. My son isn’t deaf. He hears everything said which unfortunately isn’t always a good thing because when I say to anyone he can’t speak most people then seem to talk to me and completely ignore my son. Even worse are comments like ‘that’s a shame’, and ‘I’m so sorry’ like my son has some awful infliction when he just happens to be non verbal.

My son does have learning difficulties but even taking that into consideration his ability to understand is years above his ability to talk back. The lack of spoken language doesn’t always mean learning difficulties though and given other ways to communicate many non talkers have shown they can gain degrees and pass their driving test and achieve in ways many thought impossible.

3. Having a child who struggles with any aspect of speech is not the fault of the parent.

Did you know that the first thing that happens when you finally get a referral accepted by speech and language therapists is that they send you on a parenting course? The message very much seems to be (wether intentional or not) is that the parent is somehow at fault. My child isn’t non verbal because I am an awful parent. Contrary to what many think my son has books read to him daily, I talk to him all time, I sing nursery rhymes,, he has experienced language enriched environments from birth and he couldn’t be loved more. He just doesn’t talk.

I’ve been through the guilt questioning what I did wrong. I’ve felt the judgement of others and often still do. I know that pitied look when a stranger talks to my child and I explain he can’t speak.

When your child doesn’t master skills other children do there is a feeing of isolation, failure and despair that you are in fact the world’s worst parent. That is, in fact, so untrue. If anything the opposite can often be more accurate as parents over compensate for their child’s struggle by taking time to attend courses, do research, and buy all sorts of resources to give their child the best chance to succeed. My experience of families with a child who struggles in any way with speech is that they move heaven and earth to support their child and go above and beyond. Having a non verbal child is very very rarely due to neglect.

My son is amazing. He is funny, clever, excitable, affectionate and fun. He just happens to be unable to speak.

His inability to form spoken words has actually taught me more about speech than I ever thought possible.

You don’t always need words to communicate anyway.