What Happened When A Child Refused To Have My Autistic Daughter In Her Team


It’s two days before sports day at my daughter’s school and gym lessons are all about practicing for hurdles, sprinting and egg and spoon races. The children are excited, eager and raring to go…all except one child who finds any sport a challenge.

She is small, quiet, slow at running and finds balance and jumping difficult. She has fallen too often and takes longer to master even the most basic of physical skills Everyone in her class knows this but today it seems even more obvious.

The class is divided into teams to practice the skills. Although no mention of competing, timing or winning is even said the children somehow know this is practice for the big day when trophies and awards are given out. The teacher numbers the children and sends them to their respective areas.

And then it happens.

Miss can I swap groups?”

“Does she have to be in our team?”

“It’s not fair we always have her!”

“That’s it! I’m not taking part if she’s on my team!”
And at that one child walked off, refusing to take part in the lesson simply because my autistic daughter was on her team. 

My 8 year old won’t tell me how she felt about that but I can image. As her mum I want to cry. My daughter may struggle with social awareness at times but even she totally understood she was not welcome or wanted and she knew exactly why. 

She knows she is different from her peers. She knows her physical skills are delayed and that she often needs adult help to participate, yet every week she tries her best. But how much can one child take?
What would you do if you knew no-one in your class wanted you in their team? 

Naomi ignored them. She carried on as if nothing had happened while the other child sat and watched. She needed assistance at the hurdles and at anything related to using balls but then as the teams moved around activities the teacher noticed something very special.
When Naomi’s team came to sprinting they were a child short on her team. The child who finds running hard took it upon herself to not only run for herself but also on behalf of the very child who had refused to join in because she did not wish to be on a team with my autistic daughter! The teacher cheered her as she pushed herself to not only run twice for her team but also do several other tasks twice over because her team was a child down.

There was no race to win today. There were no prizes. The actual sports day is not for another two days yet. However, when I collected my daughter today her teacher called me back to speak to me.

She never told me about the child who refused to join in because my daughter was on her team. Instead she told me how proud she was of my 8 year old who excelled herself in the sports class today on so many levels.

It was my daughter who told me what happened with the other children and how one girl refused to join in because Naomi was on her team.
How silly was that mum! She thought she had no chance of winning because I am slower than others but you will never win anything unless you try.”

I don’t need to be upset about the fact my daughter was bullied today because she is different. I am not even angry the child was allowed to sit out just because she felt so aggrieved at having to do sports in the same team as a child who struggles.

My daughter proved today she is much greater at sports than anyone realised. She showed sportsmanship, team work and resilience beyond her years. What she lacks in physical ability she made up for in strength of character.

Too often we look down on others because they seem weaker or less able.

At bedtime tonight my daughter summed up her day like this:

“It was good mum! I tried my best and did extra when I could to help. That makes me a winner…right?”

Yes it does!

My child became a winner…that’s what happened the day a child in her class refused to have my autistic daughter in her team! 

Sometimes the hardest lessons in life show us what we are truly made of.

I hope the child who refused to join in today has learnt from my daughter. I know I have! 

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15 thoughts on “What Happened When A Child Refused To Have My Autistic Daughter In Her Team

  1. I wish when I was at school I had a friend like Naomi. I have heard school life .is supposed to be the best time of your life. I wish it had been for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Children can be and are so cruel especially to children who are deemed different.I hope the teacher has a chat to the class about the situation, My daughter was 4 when this happened to her, the whole class was invited to a party except my daughter. It still happens today.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done naomi we cant be great at everything, and its easy to hide vehind the fear coz we are too slow or unable to balance or our issues it takes great courage to igbore that and put ur issues aside to help others. Im also autistic and have mobility issues my daughter is also autistic and gets bullied for being different. She cam 2nd in her sprint race at sports day because her ta has been doing extra exercises with her to build her muscles up. It helped because shes never come close to over taking 1 let alone 2 children when running. Definitely be proud of your achievements no matter how small. We think differently to others and our paths are bever straightforward but our outlooks are definitely more colourful… huge hugs huni keep up the good fight xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, what a fantastic story. So Naomi, who has autism, shows the supposedly ‘neurotypical’ child with supposedly better developed social skills, how to behave appropriately in this circumstance? Doesn’t this show that autistic children may have the better understanding than their peers in some situations?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Childhood Experiences ~ Sports Day – Sensory Sensitive Mummy

  6. I love this post, whilst actually feeling for you as it must have hurt to hear this story. That other child still has much to learn, and I hope the teachers are on the case…. so fab though that Naomi didn’t let it bother her and that she showed them just how strong she is xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I hope the parents of that child who sat out were told how your child “won” for her team, and how disappointed the teacher was that their child chose not to participate and be on such a successful team. That child needs to learn that the sort of attitude your daughter showed is truly valuable, and that her own will only hold her back. (I won’t lie, the real world is cruel to people who “can’t keep up” – but in the adult world, refusing to work with someone because they’re “slower” than you is what will get you into reeeeeeeeeeal trouble.)

    Liked by 1 person

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