Professional Speak Translated For The New Autism Parent 


Picture this: you have some concerns about your child’s development. Perhaps he or she is not speaking much, not giving eye contact, ignoring or over familiar with others or has some behaviours that seem a little repetitive. You decide to seek some professional advice. 

You have now entered the world of ‘professional speak’ where all sorts of professionals will say thing to you that actually have a meaning you may never realise. 
For those just starting out on the autism journey here are some things you may hear a therapist or a doctor say about your child with autism and here is what they might really mean. 

  •  “Let’s see how he goes shall we.” 

What that really means is we reckon you are exaggerating a few things and all will be fine. 

Remember: if your child has autism they will not grow out of it so don’t let this put you off!

  • Shall we discuss this another day?”

Which really means they are hoping to avoid the issue and hope you don’t notice.

Remember: take notes and remind them at your next visit you have something that needs discussing!

  • He/she is very complex.”

Which means that they really are not sure what to do with your child and hoping someone else will take over. 

Remember: if a doctor or therapist says this make sure they are working alongside everyone else dealing with your child so that this is not used as a cop-out. 

  • I’ll see you back in clinic in six months time.”

That translates to they have ticked the box to say they have seen you and they hope whatever the issues were that they will have disappeared by time you get seen again.

Remember: make a note somewhere on when you were seen and start chasing the next appointment in a few months time. Write down your concerns and make sure you are being heard.

  •  “What do you want us to do for you?”

This means they are trying to manage and limit your expectations from day 1 and they are also checking IF they can actually help at all. 

Remember: not every service is right for your child but if you feel a service CAN help push them to do so. Sadly they are often under pressure not to take every case on that is referred. 

  • The next step is for you to attend this course before I can do anything else.

Invariably that will be some sort of parenting course. Sadly it is still endemic to blame the parents before any real issues with the child are even looked at. 

Remember: it is not mandatory to attend any parenting course but often doing them can help and it also shows professionals you are engaging with them. As annoying and insulting as they are at least you can prove you are not to blame. 

  • I was speaking to my colleague about this.”

What this means is they feel they are out of their depth and may be looking to blame a colleague for some new idea or treatment rather than taking responsibility themselves.

Remember: this is YOUR child and if you feel uncomfortable with any professional talking to anyone, be that colleagues or other agencies, then make sure they know! Data protection means you have a right to privacy and confidentiality at all times. 

  • “I was planning to do such and such a test and speak to so and so in due course and get back to you at a later date.”

What this really means is they are delaying diagnosis in the hope at least one other person will state they have not seen signs in your child.

Remember: While basic tests like eye tests and hearing tests are useful and gathering information is wisdom, you can not be left indefinitely in limbo land for too long. It is important if your child does have autism that they get diagnosed and helped as soon as possible. Insist on calling back in a months time to ensure you are not being forgotten. 

  • Have you tried….(fill in the blanks with anything from hypnotherapy, hydrotherapy, ABA, a certain support group in the area, melatonin for sleep and so on)?”

This really means they are hoping you will say ‘ah yes we did this and such a thing is now no longer an issue’ so that they can discharge you. 

Remember: just because something works for others does not mean it will work for your child too. There is no harm is trying a change of diet (providing not harmful) or different forms of therapy, but there is no one size fits all in life and your child may need something totally different. 

  • That’s just all part of autism.”

Ridiculously some professionals seem to think once your child has autism that every other niggle or health concern they have is therefore related even if that is a rash, a headache or as crazy as tooth ache!

Remember: while autism is a complex neurological and developmental condition your child still has a right to treatment for bowel issues, pain and any other medical issues. Do not be fobbed off with the autism card! 

  • You look like you could do with some respite!


This translates as you could really do with brushing your hair and the matchsticks holding your eyes open are rather obvious today.

Remember: if they truly think this make sure they do something about it! Insist they pass that comment on to the right people or explain the process of getting respite!
Finally I will end with this one because of all the comments professionals give me this one angers me the most: ‘

  • We find working with the teachers is a better use of our time that working directly with your child.

Really? What that means is they place way more value on a teacher (who does not have autism) than they do on your child who desperately needs help! 

Remember: while few of us actually enjoy challenging professionals we have to fight for our children. Do not allow system failures to fail your child. 
Whatever therapists and doctors tell you always remember you are the parent. You were the one to raise concerns and you are the one who knows your child best. Make sure everyone is working with you and for you. 
Also note you will sometimes hear those wonderful words we all love so much: ‘

  • “I believe you!”

I hope more of us hear that one than the others! 

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A moment of beauty at build-a-bear

Kids are so full of surprises! Just weeks after Christmas and the usual delude of new toys and games and what was my daughter wanting to play with? A teddy bear she has had for years! Now reincarnated with a new name and involved in all sorts of fresh imaginary play; I knew what was coming next…

Mum, I can’t find Ellie’s clothes?

Imagine my confusion! Who or what is Ellie? Followed by the panic of realising I not only have no idea where the once-buried-under-the-bed-in-a-box toy appeared from but how did she even remember it had clothes? And she seriously expects me to just pull out this last seen in 2013 teddies coat and boots? What? Goodness, this mamma can barely remember the day of the week let alone anything else! We dug in the we-have-no-idea-where-else-to-put-this-stuff box to no avail and alas I began to wonder if these ‘suddenly in demand’ items she can not live without now could have ‘accidentally’ jumped into my car boot in the pre-Christmas clear out. Oh what an awful parent I am! I shall pre-book my daughter to that counsellor she is sure to need when older!

And sometimes, for our own sanity, we make a promise we know our bank account will live to regret!

Ok, this weekend we shall take Elizabeth, Ellie, ..whoever, to the bear shop and buy her an outfit. Ok?

And breathe!

Well until today when that eager eyed baby woke and ran into my bed to announce today was the day her bear was getting new clothes! That’s it, NOTHING is ever getting thrown out again, you hear me!

So we excitedly (well reluctantly on my part!) got prepared to go. And this is when it gets complicated! As well as my way too attentive daughter I also have the honour of being mum to my son who has complex needs. How in the name of whoever am I going to get this boy of mine into build-a-bear? It’s not like you can buy a bear and get a free burger now? And the last time I checked they had no lift or hand dryer? So that’ll be a ‘no chance mum’ as per!

Flip! Could Elizabeth, Emily, sorry Ellie not become a naturist for a while until you find some other old toy? That look…well if you are a parent you know what I am referring to…it said it all!

So let’s just get this over with!

You are kidding me? Really?

My son, aged seven, who has never in his life touched a teddy, who has yet to speak, who has no idea about imaginative play…is standing over a basket of teddy ‘skins’ and has ‘chosen’ one he wants! STOP!

He is in the shop. He is not screaming. He has not wrecked the entire place.

Now THAT was worth coming!

Now how do I explain this ‘teddy’ needs stuffed by a loud, spinning machine full of white ‘stuff’? He doesn’t know what a teddy is? Or maybe he does?

Well he waited, and he ‘chose’ an outfit, unsurprisingly one that closely resembled his own beloved school uniform (he doesn’t care it was a skirt) and a red bag to match. Meanwhile I dreaded to imagine what his sister had seen! Have you seen the prices of these clothes? I pay less for my own clothes and I can assure you they are a whole lot bigger!

She settled on…the exact same uniform, a pair of pyjamas…and the added ‘accessory’ of…a wheelchair! She announced in front of the entire shop that her bear just wanted to be like her brother. And how do you argue with that?

Ok, mr build a bear, your prices are crazy, your appeal far too great, your choice better than the average high street shop for ‘real’ people, and I never want to visit for a good while until my bank account recovers…

But I have to admit, you gave me a moment of beauty today. I even hasten to say a miracle. The boy who has no teddies now has one. And he hasn’t let it go since! And you ‘normalised’ using a wheelchair for a child who sometimes struggles at how different her brother is.

So cheers! I owe you one!

P.s, a coffee shop to give me a moment to recover may not be a bad thing! I’ll leave that with you đŸ™‚

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