And you know what? I am doing it all for ME!
There I said it.
I have invited children I want there, I have organised the cakes I want, and I have put what I want in the party bags.
That may sound very selfish. And it may well be. But for once I NEED this. I NEED my children to be part of some sort of ‘social norm’, I NEED them to feel ‘included’ and I NEED them to take part in society in some way.
So yes my son will not speak to a single other child. He probably won’t even recognise the children there or play with any other person. He won’t thank anyone for a present or open any cards and it is highly unlikely he will join in any activities. He has no concept of what a party or a birthday is even about now I think about it. So I can assure myself I am not going to all the effort of a party for HIS behalf. He would happily have spent a day watching lift doors opening or closing or watching hand dryers.
His sister on the other hand may like the concept of a party but the actual reality of it is a different matter. It will be hit or miss wether she speaks on the day, wether she will join in on her terms or not and she will certainly not be the life and soul of the party in any way. Social events are a bit of a nightmare for her and the noise and bustle of a busy room could sent her into sensory overload.
So why am I doing this to them?
Firstly they miss out on so much in life. They don’t ever get out to play with friends or get invited to a sleep over. They never get to go to brownies, or rainbows or boys brigade. My son has no friends (not that he even gets that concept) and my daughter has just one friend she talks to. Play dates just don’t happen around here. They are isolated and excluded from so much and for once I want them to be part of society. Is that such a bad thing?
Secondly, they may have zero social awareness but I do. All the other kids have a party on their birthday and I want my children to experience that too. I don’t want them to be ‘neuro typical’ or ‘normal’ but I also don’t want them to be bullied for being different either, especially when my daughter attends mainstream school. They may have no idea about peer pressure just now but I also want to protect them from cruel children who think nothing of bullying a child because they were the only one not to have a party. They are growing up in a non autistic world that sadly will not always be kind to them and sometimes I just want to protect them a bit. So I am doing it for ME so I feel they are just the same. Wether that is right or wrong is not up for debate. It is what I feel is right this year.
Thirdly, for just once, I want my children to be the centre of attention even if they don’t know it. They deserve their moment in the spotlight just as much as any other child. They rarely get to be called up at school for achievements and they never get awards outside school because they are unable to attend any after school activities. So while I am throwing the party for ME it is because I want people to notice my children, love on them and enjoy being with them. We just don’t get that much.
I just want to say I am not being cruel to my children. I have booked a centre for children with support needs. There will be a fabulous sensory room for my son which I know he loves. If it is too much for my daughter she can have as much time out as she needs. They won’t hate it all, they just won’t ‘conform’ to social norms on the day. And that is fine by me.
It is two hours of their day. Seven years Is worth celebrating. THEY are worth celebrating.
So we are having a party. And yes, I am doing it for ME. Is that really so bad?