Most of you will be familiar with the age old story of the Hare and the Tortoise, one of Aesop’s fables. The story being that a hare and a tortoise race. Of course the hare, being by far the fastest, takes a very early lead and, not seeing the tortoise anywhere behind him, decides to take a nap. Meanwhile the tortoise continues slow and steady and in doing so passes the hare and wins the race. We can all pick out the moral easily about not being over confident in life and that there are advantages to going slow and steady.
I am a mother of two children with additional needs. We are living every day like the tortoise and moving at a very slow pace. We have missed more childhood milestones than we have reached so far. But we keep moving even if at times it feels impossible to catch up with others.
This last week my son got to go to mainstream school for the first time. Except, like so many other things in his life, it came years later than it should. And even then it was only a fleeting visit. But, just for once, I got to walk both my children home from school. It was beautiful. But it won’t happen as a daily occurrence. Because although I can dream and pray, the reality is he will never catch up with the hare’s in life.
Because in real life the hare doesn’t nap.
In real life other children won’t take a ‘nap’ from their development to allow him to catch up or even overtake. They won’t stop learning, or maturing or gaining new skills. Life is not a fable, and there are no fairytale happy ever afters.
But that does not mean it is all sad. It just means I have learnt to accept that the race is not for winning but rather for taking part in. We are not all equal. But my job as a parent is to make sure my children never feel like failures because they are taking the race slow and steady. It could become easy for them to become intimidated by the speed and ease at which the hares are moving along. They could get frustrated, depressed or feel overwhelmed at the never-ending struggle just to master a little skill others did years ago. So my job is to make a huge deal of everything the hare takes for granted but the tortoise finds so hard.
Like the fact at six years and three months old my son finally worked out how to build a tower out of bricks. So what that he failed to do this task when assessed at his two-year check up? So what that babies younger than a year have mastered this skill with ease? He moved slow and steady and finally did it. He actually got to the end of that race even if it took years to get there. They just assessed him on the skill years earlier than they should have.
Like the fact at age six his sister mastered jumping for the first time. The hares did this before they even started nursery and they are now onto skipping, hopping and riding bikes. And most of this probably went unnoticed. But we celebrate everything in this house. We celebrate the first snowman ever built:
We celebrate every little noise that may vaguely be the sound of a word. We celebrate getting invited to a hares birthday party because being with the hares is so good and often so rare too. There were fleeting times that it was hard to tell the difference between the hare and the tortoise at the party as both sat together to share food and drink. Hares are beautiful, agile, and wonderful. Just like the tortoise is too.
The hares may be winning the race with ease but I have no bitterness or anger about that. Because that is what hares were made to do. But my children are tortoises. They are hardy, colourful, strong, like their own company and move carefully and thoughtfully. Sometimes they just hide inside themselves for a while until they feel confident.
Meanwhile the hares don’t nap.
And neither they should. Life isn’t a fable. But we can still learn lessons along the way.