Sometimes autism wins…

You can turn anything into a positive if you try hard enough. But however you look at it, somedays autism wins.

For example it was so easy to pack my sons clothes for a holiday as all he will wear is his red school jumpers. I can even joke that he is saving me money buying him holiday clothes. I laugh about the fact he is slowly turning those jumpers into pull overs as he eats his way up the sleeves. But that joking hides the sorrow in my heart that every time I see him in that school jumper I realise that once again autism has won. If you were scoring the days then before anyone has even had breakfast in my house it is clear that autism is on the winning side. I have to choose my battles. And right now this one is just beating me. So I turn it into a positive. Autism might win the battle, but one day I might win the war. And if I can get him to do more things, be a little more flexible during the day, or wait without screaming then autism can win the red jumper for another day.

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You get used to pushing a stroller around and you actually forget sometimes that the ‘baby’ is actually almost 6, until someone looks at you like you have horns in your head. Hey, I say to people, having a buggy makes carrying bags much easier as you can hook them over the handle bars. Pushing a buggy gives you something to lean on when you are tired, and stops you having to drag a child along kicking and screaming. I have to dwell on the positive. Because the fact that this week I took both children on a train ride into a city centre and had to put both my five year olds into buggies in order to achieve anything could really get me down. It is another sign that this week autism won. It was the only way my family could go anywhere safely. It was the only way the children could cope with the noises, crowds, walking distance and strange smells. It made boarding and alighting the trains very hard, it made getting over the bridge to the other side to get the car like a mountaineering expedition, and it filled the car boot before we even tried to get a bag in. But although autism won, it was actually a win for us as we managed a day trip out and we all had a good day.

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So we tried to go out again. This time we tried a farm. One child loved it. The other lasted a few minutes before having to be carried back to the car. Autism prevented me even getting pics of the child who was loving it.

We moved on to an indoor adventure centre. One loved the toy shop and wanted something from the cafe. The other was so preoccupied with the lift and automatic doors that one parent missed out yet again. Sometimes autism wins…

We’d packed a picnic so we found a lovely park by a castle to sit on a bench and eat. One was so excited. The other could see a macdonalds at the bottom of the hill and that was the end of that. Why would anyone eat cold sandwiches and fruit when there are hot fries and nuggets at the bottom of the hill? It seems at times like this we are fast losing the war. So many battles…which ones to fight, which ones do we just ride out?

Never judge a war based only on what you see at first glance. It might seem like autism is winning but in actual fact we are making progress.

This week the children have both thrown toys for granny’s dog. They have played with and interacted with something other than ipads and trains.

We have had fish and chips outside watching ducks at a pond.

We have been for walks and seen sheep and cows as a family.

We have even managed to eat out at a buffet restaurant.

One of the children ate chips for the very first time.

We are not allowing autism to keep us at home during the summer holidays.

Autism, you might think you are winning because the children are still in nappies. You might think you are winning because one still can’t talk. You might think you are winning when we abandon plans and try something else. You might think you have won the war because we let the boy wear a red jumper everyday.

But don’t be fooled autism…

Sometimes autism wins…

And sometimes we laugh and smile and have fun like it never even exists. It’s all about being in it for the long hall. The war isn’t over yet…and the summer holidays have only been going for a week!

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6 thoughts on “Sometimes autism wins…

  1. You will win in the end because you are determined you will.
    At 21+ years old I have a son who still hates mince but (and it a BIG but) he will eat lasagne with only a bit of verbal complaining rather than total refusal and as his Nana says everyone is allowed to ‘not like’ some food.
    My daughter only learnt to like mince at about 14 years but now she loves it. .

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  2. 🙂 you will win. LOVE will win. Those concepts that are difficult to teach our Au-some little kiddos will be taught, and every challenge—no matter how long it takes, will be met with a sweet, sweet victory. In fact, the harder the challenge, the sweeter the winnings will be.

    These are moments we will one day cherish as our children accomplish greater and greater things. As our children overcome unbelievable challenges, we soon will realize they are the strongest people we know. Their strength will inspire us, and nothing—not even autism — will hold them back.

    And every day, they use their autism to teach us something. Even when they do not speak, they still teach.

    They teach us about endurance, and joy, and fear. They teach us patience, compassion, and the love of things routine, the love of true favorites,

    And through them, we grow—more than they do.

    We all win 🙂

    Sending happy thoughts. Thank you for sharing. This was beautiful.

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  3. I love this. Yes, some days it just does win. And it’s exhausting. And – you are fighting the good fight, loving and caring for and serving and sacrificing for your little ones. There is so much beauty in that. You win the war already, before autism even have a chance to start, because of your momma’s heart.
    Thank you for sharing so honestly.
    Shawna@nottheformerthings.com

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  4. You say it as it is. There is no covering up and you are positive despite the setbacks. I would like to know exactly what they are complaining about. I hope they are not saying life is a bed of roses or should that be milk tray as some problems in life dont go away.

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  5. Sounds like Autism won every time, and that’s as it should be. Your children are not separate from Autism they are Autistic. And they will win with love and acceptance. You write well, but I sense that you feel you are fighting against Autism. Work with it, and never for one minute think your children are separate. They do not have Autism they are Autistic. Someone with cancer has cancer, but as Autism is not a disease or illness you cannot have Autism. You can however, be Autistic. You sound like good accommodating parents. I am Autistic and I have Autisuic children one of whom sounds very similar to your children. He is seven and a half had complex special,needs. He’s my inspiration and makes me so proud, they all do. Not because they fight Against Autism everyday, because they work with being Autistiv against a hostile sensoey overloaded world. And they win every day.

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  6. Miriam you have the patience of a saint. You dont hide the problems but you are a positive person despite the challenge.

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