Sometimes life can carry on, every day pretty much the same routine with the same people around and the same places to go to. And then other times something major changes and your life can seem out of control, up in the air, just so unrecognisable from before. Events such as a baby being born, getting married, starting a new job, moving to a new country, or a relationship ending, death in the family or sudden change in career. How we all cope with these changes defines who we are and makes us stronger. We need to adapt to a different life, a different way of doing things. And that all takes time, patience and support.
We had one of those changes last week when one of the children starting full time education for the first time. My twins became seperated for the longest they have ever been and everything changed. And it feels like a different life.
For young Isaac it really is a different life. From the moment he was born he has always had mum, dad, and twin sister around. We have been his stability, his strength, his unmoving support when any change happened around him or anything occurred he wasn’t sure of. Like so many children his age he is incredible close to his sibling and parents and reliant on them for so much. But unlike other children his age, he is far more dependant, far more needy and much less independant. So to suddenly send him in a taxi to school without that life line of support and communication for six hours, 5 days a week is major. Such a different life for him. And such a different life for the rest of us too. He needs time, patience and support to help him adapt to that different life. We all do.
But he is coping remarkable well considering his life has changed so much. His diary on his first day at school read: ‘Isaac had a great first day at school. Very happy and laughing a lot of the day.’ He can’t tell us about his time away so that diary is a life line. We can only go by his behaviour, his body langauage and his reaction to things at home to judge how things are going in that different place where life is so so different and strange for him. At home he is exhausted, clingy and needy. And after just three days at school he has already caught an upper respiratory infection. Different life equals different germs.
But he loves his school jumper! In fact he loves those jumpers so much we had to hide them at the weekend. But he searched his wardrobe and pulled out every item until he found a red jumper! He doesn’t recognise the school logo so this was an old jumper from a previous nursery but it was red! And it was the only thing he was willing to wear on saturday.
Naomi now has a different life too. She has to travel to nursery without her brother sitting beside her. She has a new key worker at nursery and new children in her group. And now when she come home from nursery she has almost 4 hours on her own with mum and dad. And no longer any afternoon naps after nursery too. For the first day she got so upset when we didn’t make any lunch for Isaac. It was so hard for her to learn she could set up her train set and her brother would not come and take it apart and chew the track. She was so clingy and tearful. And asked after Isaac all the time. So emotionally exhausting for her to be apart from him for so long. She only agreed to watch her favourite dvd on agreement that we would put Peppa Pig on for her brother as soon as he came home. Sweet, but also very revealing.
This girl has had to live a very different life to other 4 year olds. She has had to learn to put her brothers needs before her own all too often. She has trained herself to cope with her games being broken and pulled apart and chewed by her twin brother and not get upset. She has leant how to go to sleep when he is still making so much noise in the room next door. She has adapted to his ways, grown to understand his attemps at communication and knows just when it is best to keep out of his way. But now she has a different life. Now she can really be a four year old girl for the first time. Now her needs can come first for once.
So for the first time ever she got to visit a museum this week. She wasn’t sure what to make of the statue:
The first thing she wants to know when Isaac gets home is what he has been doing in school. On Friday he spent some time in the schools multi-sensory room and in thier soft play room. This is what she thinks school will be like. Oh boy, she is in for such a different life this time next year when she starts the local mainstream school! Isaac will be going horse riding and swimming with his school too. So we will be doing fun things with Naomi at home.
We popped to the local shops with just Naomi one afternoon. It felt so strange just walking in without having a trolley with her brother in. It felt even stranger getting to walk around the ailes without hearing screams and cries and to walk out of those beloved automatic doors that I have spent so much time watching my boy flap and woop in amazement at for the last few years.
A very different life for mum and dad too. Why, we have even managed to enrol ourselves on courses with the national autistic society this week and enjoy a breakfast date together.
Soon this will become everyday life for us. Every day pretty much the same routine, with the same people around and the same places to go to. Until the next change happens and we start a different life again.
Change is hard for everyone. But with time, patience and support we can all adapt to a different life, wether that is without a loved one, a partner you once had, or adapting to a new baby, a new country or starting school.
A different life. But a good life. Because different might have it’s challenges but it also has it’s rewards. I am going to miss our old life. But I am determined to embrace this new, diffferent life too.